by Elena Faverio

being nineteen – the year that i got really into one direction

that summer – home from college, at my friend keira’s house

one thing came on the radio, by the pool

my friend bess, short for elizabeth says “i love one direction

i can tell them apart by their voices

liam is singing

now it’s harry

zayn

and louis and niall sing the second chorus

niall is irish”

i look them up on wikipedia, then youtube

at first i just want to be able to tell them apart too

why are liam and louis so hard to remember which is which

and that’s how it starts

i will build an altar on the bones of the fangirls who came before me

i will take communion in the form of pulsating crowds and sweat and too loud speakers

i am going to eat the energy of wembley stadium, put all right down into my belly, where i can keep it safe

maybe this is the way godzilla was formed, on boy bands and light sticks and fireworks over london

just you wait you wait and see

two nights ago i slipped through the doors of the dubois robeson communist bookstore

it’s a $10 suggested donation and i give it because i have ten dollars in my wallet

the backroom is small and cool and a black and white poster of lenin glowers wisely over the mighty gathering

this music sucks ass

i hate it – dissonant, messy, PLAY A CHORD I WANT TO SHAKE THIS PERSON BY THEIR SHOULDERS PLAY A GODDAMN CHORD

the bands are small and disorganized and the feedback is a priest at confession

MAKE IT STOP please someone with TECH KNOWLEDGE make it STOP

the music starts, and this song is about being gay

this song is about war

this song is about the occupation of palestine

this song is about the ugliness of humanity

this song is about capitalism

this is a love song it was based on true events

this song is happening but no one can hear it because the mic volumes are all wrong and there’s FEEDBACK someone figure out the GODDAMN feedback

my fingers in my ears i pray to the poster of lenin for silence and balance in sound

but there is no mercy in this place, there are no london telephone booths

and one direction dissolved in 2015

but as for this music this place the things we are making

just you wait you wait and see